One of the most important sociological changes in the nation's history began in the last decade of the ninteenth century is the large numbers of women who entered the work force . There is a large proportion of people who agree with the entry of women into the work force, and the same percentage to some extent opposed to this direction . Based on that , women's work is an argumentative topic that we must give much attention on it .
There is a large proportion of people who are opponents to the entery of women into the work force because of women's role that women have in thier families . These roles are divided into two important elements , the educational role and the professional role inside their families . Firstly, the educationl role is based on their ability to care for their children, their ability to achieve scientific excellence for their children ,and their ability to maintain the hygiene of the family .Secondly, the professional role is based on the ability to maintain the relationship between them and their husbands and the ability to meet the needs of their husbands permanently . On the contrary , there is the supporter direction who agree with the entry of women into the work force ; Based on faith in the ability of women to achieve parity between their role in their families and their workloads .
I agree with the entiry of women into the work force but with the differing circumstances of women . One the one hand , i agree ,in the case, if the woman is the main financier of the family due to certain circumstances so she must work for the needs of her family . On the contrary , i disagree with the entiry of of women into the work force , in the case of , working for only wasting time. Where the best opportunity for some young people to replace those . So women's work is an argumentative topic that controversy will not end about it .
Your draft is good but you need to make some corrections such as :
ReplyDelete1. argumentative topic that we must give much attention to (on it) .
2. There is a large proportion of people who are opponents to the entery of women into the work force because of women's role that women have in thier families (rewrite in a clearer way).
3. Firstly, the educationl role is based on their ability to care for their (take care of)
children
4. On the contrary , there is the supporter direction(the supporter of the other direction) who agree with the entry of women into the work
force
5.I agree with the entiry (entry)of women into the work force but
6. I agree with the entiry of women into the work force but with the differing circumstances of women (wrong meaning try to write the correct meaning).
7.One (on)the one hand , i (capitaliz)agree ,in the case, if the woman is the main financier of the family due to certain circumstances so she must work for the needs of her family .
8. On the contrary , i disagree with the entiry of of women into the work force , in the case of , working for only wasting time. Where the best opportunity for some young people to replace those .(make them only one sentence).
9.
comment on three of your peers' drafts and send their names to me
ReplyDeleteHi,Mohamed.your ideas are clear and also your opinion.You gave evidence that supporting your ideas and proving it.good job
ReplyDeleteyour topic is good and your introduction is attractive and has a topic sentence .but you should give more details and take care of capitalization
ReplyDeleteIt is agood topic mohamed, clear idea, and expressive sentences.
ReplyDeleteBut there are some spelling mistakes.
I should to be capital in writing.
Some sentences need to be rewrite in simple words.
hi mohamed .your essay is good .your ideas and words are clear .i like your opinion and i agree with you .please take care of the length of your sentences..good luck mohamed keep working
ReplyDelete